Monday, May 18, 2009

The Trash Can

I had the strangest epiphany today while cleaning my kitchen no less. After work, I had to go get groceries for this week, pick up the dogs from groomer, make dinner, clean the kitchen, and do a little straightening around the house. Not a whole lot really. When I got home and started putting up the groceries...I noticed our trashcan.

My dear sweet husband took out the trash on his way out the door this morning. Therefore, he did not put a new trashbag in the can. Now this is perfectly understandable! Nothing wrong with it. Well logically I would've bent over, gotten a new bag from under the sink and lined the trash can after I finished the groceries...but I didn't.

I walked out of the kitchen and left it there unlined. When I came back in later to get a drink and ate string cheese, I left it unlined. When I finally started to make dinner I actually resorted to getting out an old Walmart sack and using that for my cooking trash instead of lining the trashcan. It wasn't until I was cleaning up the kitchen after we ate that I finally reached in the cabinet and got out a trash can liner and started to line the can. When I was bending over putting the bag in I had a sudden thought, "now why didn't I just line this trash can when I first saw it instead of waiting until now?" Then the scariest part happened...I couldn't answer my own question.

I don't know why I didn't do it! I was going to have to eventually. It would have made throwing away my snack easier and cooking dinner easier. There is no logical explaination for it!

And then it hit me...I've done the same thing with my weight for years! It was always there, right in front of my face with a solution to the problem just one cabinet away if I would just make the small effort to fix it. I just ignored it! I said, "oh I'll mess with that later when I do this or that." I mean how in their right mind can someone let themselves gain over 100 lbs during college and not even bat an eyelash! Honestly I didn't think about it. Literally I didn't weigh, I bought new clothes regularly from clearance racks, found something fast and easier to feed Kevin and myself, did homework, did homework, did homework. I really didn't pay attention to it and the few times that it may have crossed my mind (if ever) I said, "well I'll work on that after I finish these 18 hrs this spring." "I'll work on that as soon as our anniversary, thanksgiving, Christmas, new years, my birthday, valentines day, Kevin's birthday... is over."

I just didn't think about. I thought about everything else. And I think it was partially on purpose now that I think about it. Even if it was my subconscience doing it. It's easier to ignore stuff than deal with it. And that was the most dangerous thing I could do. Because if your not paying attention things can get out of control very quickly...just like a house fire.

I've got to keep my weight loss and my health front and center in my mind or I'll just not think about again and the fire will consume me. Because it will. My weight will kill me if I don't to something about it. I let my concentration fade away again this 1st semester of grad school and I can't do that. I might have to admit that I can't make all A's all the time and still focus on my health. I might have to make B's and that is ok. Because what good is that graduate degree going to do me if I'm dead.

I'll have to move my priorities around. God, Kevin, Weight loss, school. My life though imperfect is too good for that kind of ending. I sure would hate to leave my adorable husband as an adorable widower for someone else to enjoy.


KAJ said...

Sorry for not putting the bag in this time! I was in a rush, but of course just as it has been the past couple of weeks! I love you and I am proud of you Katy. I am tired and ready to go to bed and snuggle ;^p

* Tyly * said...

What a cute comment from the hubby! :-)

Everything you said makes total sense. What good are all A's in grad school when you can't enjoy them? And I know you want to be around to have babies and see your babies' babies! You CAN do this. It does have to be a huge focus in your life, but once you get used to it, it becomes an every day thing. Things that you have to think about now will become second nature, and you will find yourself living a healthier lifestyle without even trying! I have confidence in you and know you can achieve this goal!!!