Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July My Friends!

So it is the 4th of July and I have absolutely nothing to do well nothing fun anyway (chores don't count.) I will get to go over to my brother's house later. He is making a brisket and other goodies. It will be fun but that isn't until much later. I did get to have a nice chat this morning with my brother in law that is deployed to Iraq using Yahoo Messenger (I would have killed for Kevin to have things like messenger and skype when he was in Iraq!). All morning I've been ridiculously bored and lazy and if you've been paying attention to my twitter you might notice that I've been a little depressed lately.

I've been frustrated due to my current work situation. I love my job but as I've mentioned before it is only part time. This has put a financial strain on Kevin and I and is a little disheartening. I put in 3/4 as much effort as the other teacher's at my school with about 1/4 of the pay. I still have grading and lesson planning to do on weekends like other teachers but I do not get paid for ANY of it. I very rarely get to work my full hours for the week and when I don't work...I don't get paid. I have the summer off like the other teachers but am not bringing in ANY income at this point. I am on COBRA health insurance that is continued from Eden but it is limited to 18 months. This means it will lapse in April of this next year not to mention it is EXTREMELY expensive.

I really do LOVE working with the kids. They are absolutely adorable. I get to work with computers and kids. What could be better? BUT...Kevin is killing himself going to school full time and working full time. He gets NO sleep. Almost everynight I get up 2:30, 4:00, 5:30 in the morning and will find Kevin snoring in the desk chair in front of our computer. Kevin is doing SO well in school and I'm so proud of him but I know he cannot continue at this pace. I was hoping to find a full time teaching position for next school year so maybe Kevin could drop to 1/2 time or 3/4 time at work.

As I mentioned earlier this year I had a meeting with the principal at a local high school. He spoke to me about teaching Yearbook and BCIS this next school year but they were waiting to hear if the BCIS teacher was leaving for certain. The yearbook teacher had already given her resignation. The biggest issue with my certification area is that there just aren't that many positions overall much less available. There are approximately 10 BCIS teacher positions in my town. 5 at each high school. There was 1 opening the year before last when I was not certified and no openings this previous school year. Because Kevin works here in San Angelo I don't really have the option to move around like most teachers (especially couples) do.

I've been praying so hard that a position would open up. I know I shouldn't really pray for something so specific and selfish but I have been. Well last Friday night I checked the school district website and that morning that high school had posted an opening for a BCIS teacher. I was thrilled! There was actually a possibility. I spent that weekend in a gloriously happy daze just thrilled that there was actually an opening. I was going to get a letter of interest together to formally note my interest in the position and turn it in on Monday. On monday when I sat down to write my letter I opened the website to reference the job posting and it wasn't posted anymore. My heart just sank. I called the HR office to ask about the position and the HR clerk told me that "they had decided not to fill that position at this time. They are going to do something else." It was all I could do to not start crying in her ear right then and there.

I want so badly to ease the financial burden on Kevin and I and to give Kevin a little rest. That job would have allowed us to pay off our debt and let Kevin work less hours. I've actually worked for 4 seperate employers this school year trying to make more money. I've taught at my current school, subbed for two different school districts, and now I'm teaching part time for the Extended Studies department of ASU. And still people tell me what a slacker I am because I only work part time.

I took the certification exam to teach Early Childhood through grade 4 in January and passed it. With a very decent score actually. I don't want to say its my second choice because its not really. I think I would enjoy either BCIS or elementary the same I just have more experience in BCIS and think I'm better at it. Yesterday I put in a letter of interest for an elementary position. I highly doubt I will get it but at least there is an opening. There is just a sheer advantage to seeking an elementary position because there is just a larger number of positions. I mean in comparison to the 10 BCIS teachers there are hundreds of ECH-4 teachers in the school district and there are actually positions open.

Honestly deep down in my heart I would love for nothing more than to be a stay at home mom at this point but that just isn't possible or feasible. I have truly been on my weight loss journey for 1 year and 3 months now and still have only lost 40 pounds. I'm not even close to being able to concieve and healthily carry a baby. With the debt we got in because of the floor renovation fiasco that went down last summer it really wouldn't be a possibility if we had a baby right now anyway. If I actually told you the amount of debt that I'm worried about you would probably laugh at me but to Kevin and I it is a big deal. For the first 6 years of our marriage Kevin and I paid off our credit card bill everymonth in full. We never had a late payment, always had a nice savings account, and always saved for retirement. This has changed and neither of us are comfortable with it.

I'm really torn as to what I should do in the coming months. Do I stay at my current job where I'm not compensated for all that I do and lose another year of creditable teaching experience or should I look for something else completely. I have a business degree and business experience from before I went into teaching. It isn't nearly as fulfilling but I could go find a job in a completely different field and make money. I just don't know what to do. And as much as I try not to get down on myself for the first time in my life I'm honestly beginning to think that if I was not fat, I would have a full time teaching job at this point. I just keep trying to remind myself to count my blessings but it is really hard to cheer up.

So now that I've got all of those depressing thoughts off of my chest I'll try to write a happier post. What do I do when I'm bored and depressed? Why I bake of course! Which is probably the worst possible thing I could do I enjoy the baking process and Kevin and I both like the products at the end. I've been experimenting with cookies and next I'm going to post the newest recipe I've done. Take care everyone!