Sunday, July 5, 2009

I know what I want...

I want my life to be about something else than worrying about money, trying to find a job, working at a job, not being able to have a baby, not losing weight... I've been reading through old posts today and I want something more! I want to have a pregnancy or a child to post about. I want to have interesting things to say about fabulous books I've read, rooms I've decorated, places I've visited, items I've sewn/made, or great meals I've cooked. I want to know how to write a book or design blog backgrounds. When people ask how we've been I want to be able to say something besides "Fine, we just work and do homework all the time." I want to know that Kevin is happy in his job and not so tired all time. And that he gets to do things he loves like working in the yard, hunting, camping, or visiting with friends & family (none of which he has time for now). I'm just so tired of worrying.

I get so mad at myself because I know we have so many wonderful things in our life. We own a wonderful home and a reliable car. Kevin has a steady job that allows him time to get to his doctor appointments with the VA. I have a job that allows me time to do my homework for grad school and to be able to feed/care for/help Kevin. We have amazing family and friends that we love dearly. Overall, We have good health. I mean as morbidly obese as I am it's a miracle I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure or a number of other serious problems. Kevin is a healthy man and is able to get the help he needs to care for his PTSD. He came home from Iraq with no life-changing physical injuries.

I'm in some kind of funk that I just shake. I don't want to own the most fabulous house. I don't want to have the most prestigious job. I just want to be happy and to have there be more about my life than worry.

4 comments:

Becky said...

Everyone goes through thoughts like this at some point in their life....I don't own a home, or have the best job in the world...but I know you can't take any of that with you when you go to Heaven. Just found out I was pregnant last week and that brings on a whole new set of worries-someone else is depending on you now. And I'm scared. These thoughts are only normal....prayers and hugs, Becky

Mrs. Lehman said...

Hey there! I totally know what you're going through (no, seriously, I do)! I've felt the same way myself... still do, sometimes. We were created to want our lives to be about something! Just remember your worth in the eyes of your Creator-- He is faithful, and He'll use you for His glory. Hope you have a blessed, blessed day!

Little Mrs Domestic said...

Check out Matthew 6:34. I am a new reader so I really don't know your whole story yet but just came over and saw this post and had to comment. Please know that you are not alone. We are in a similar situation where we are working to get to a point where we are done with school, have a house, etc. Sometimes it feels like this stage of life will never end but we have to remember it will and it will all be worth it. In the long scheme of things you two will look back and it will not have seemed like long at all. Or atleast that is what we keep telling ourselves... :) That verse has been like a lifeline to me not to worry and to leave it all with God. Here's hoping you have a wonderful day and weekend. Thanks for the link love on your sidebar.

Laura said...

we found the orzo at heb. :)